Wanting them close, only to push them away an hour later, ashamed of both
01 / Borderline Personality DisorderBPD Therapy in Iowa City
There have been times when all you wanted was the closeness of those around you, then, almost in an instant, there was nothing more you wanted than for all that closeness to disappear. The moment they start to distance, the shame floods in, and the anger arrives to tell them off for leaving.
02 / what it can feel likeAll you want is connection, but it’s terrifying
People who struggle with BPD are very often braced for extreme emotional and relational turbulence without knowing it. From a young age, all you wanted was friends, someone to love you, safe connections, and a loving internal dialogue. Each of those has come with an extremely steep emotional price to pay.
You may notice symptoms like high rejection sensitivity, falling in love quickly, falling out of love quickly. There might be things like swift mood changes, confusion about who you are, relational attachment issues, issues with trust and vulnerability, and a short fuse if someone seems to be rejecting you, or distancing themselves from you.
To recognize ourselves in a struggling state is acceptance that its real, and also, that it can change...
03 / Therapy and researchWhat research shows helps
A 2020 review of 75 trials found that therapy eased the symptoms of BPD (Storebø and colleagues, Cochrane). DBT was the most studied therapy in that review, with about a third of the trials.
04 / How I WorkFour approaches, one step at a time
If painful memories still shape how you connect with the people close to you, EMDR helps you reprocess them. We start by widening your window of tolerance, the amount of emotion you can feel while staying emotionally regulated. Before any EMDR, we take time for skills work, resourcing and overall wellness. That groundwork supports long-term change.
DBT skills work builds emotion regulation and distress tolerance skills for the moments when your feelings surge and a relationship feels at risk.
Ego-State Therapy helps prepare you for EMDR by helping you through any dissociative feelings you may be experiencing.
NARM is for adults who want to work on present negative patterns, like pulling a partner close and then pushing them away, without going back through each memory.
05 / The logisticsWhat it costs and how long it takes
I do not bill insurance, so you and I decide how your care goes. No insurance company sets a limit on the sessions you get.
You can still ask your insurer to pay you back. I will give you a superbill, which is an itemized receipt you send to them yourself.
You can also ask for a Good Faith Estimate before we start, and the No Surprises Act gives you the right to one. It lists what your care is likely to cost.
How long therapy takes is different for every client. One clear goal may take a handful of sessions, and patterns you have carried since childhood can take longer. I will give you my thoughts after the first few sessions, rather than a firm number on day one.
FreeFree Consultation
A relaxed, 15-minute talk about what you need and whether we fit. By phone, by video, or in person.
$185Therapy Sessions
Weekly 53-minute sessions shaped around your needs, in Iowa City or by telehealth in Iowa and North Carolina.
Free DownloadThe Grounding Guide
A one page set of grounding tools you can use the next time your body runs ahead of you.
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06 / Reach outA fifteen-minute call, and no obligation afterwards
Tell me what has been going on, and what you hope therapy with me can change. If I am not the right fit, I will tell you early and help you find a clinician who is.