NARM Therapy in Iowa City
Heal Attachment Wounds and Complex Trauma
Is This You? The Struggle With Connection and Trust
Have you struggled with making safe, long-term connections in your life? Maybe your early caregivers were unreliable, absent, or unsafe. Maybe you learned not to trust. So now, even though you want closeness, you find yourself withdrawing, creating distance, or sabotaging relationships just when they get close.
You feel numb in your body: disconnected from your own sensations and emotions. You struggle to know what you want or need. There's a vague sense that something's fundamentally wrong with you. Maybe you survived abuse, neglect, or relational trauma that shapes everything: how you see yourself, how you expect others to treat you, what feels safe.
You may have tried other therapies. You may have processed some difficult memories - but something still feels stuck. The shame or “unworthiness” feeling doesn't fully lift. Connection still feels terrifying. This is complex trauma (C-PTSD), and it responds to a particular kind of therapy, NARM.
What is Complex Trauma (C-PTSD)?
Complex trauma (also called developmental trauma or relational trauma) is different from a single traumatic event (also called shock trauma). Instead of one incident, it usually comes from repeated exposure to physical or emotional harm:
- Childhood abuse, neglect, or emotional cruelty over years
- Relational trauma: being hurt by someone who was supposed to protect you
- Caregivers who were unpredictable, unreliable, or emotionally unavailable
- Early experiences of abandonment or repeated loss
When trauma happens chronically, especially from the people closest to you, it gets woven into who you think you are. You don't just remember what happened, you absorbed the negative, shame-based message about yourself, about safety, about whether people can be trusted. That's the difference with complex trauma, it tries to shape your identity, not just your memories.
Common Effects of Complex Trauma
- Difficulty with connection and intimacy - Chronic shame or sense of unworthiness - Emotional numbness or dissociation - Hypervigilance (always scanning for danger) - Difficulty knowing what you need or want - Self-sabotage in relationships - Body disconnection (feeling numb or unaware of physical sensations) - Difficulty trusting yourself or others
What is NARM?
NARM stands for NeuroAffective Relational Model. It was created specifically for complex trauma and old developmental wounds. Rather than focusing on processing traumatic memories (like EMDR), NARM focuses on the survival patterns you developed in response to trauma.
The key insight: When you experienced relational trauma or abandonment, you learned to disconnect. You disconnected from your body, from your emotions, and from the need for connection. This disconnection kept you safe back then. Now, it's keeping you stuck. NARM works by helping you gradually reconnect: to your body, your emotions, and your capacity for genuine connection.
How NARM Works
Recognizing Your Survival Patterns
NARM begins by identifying how you disconnect. Do you go numb? Do you overthink things? Do you create distance in relationships? Do you feel unworthy of connection? These don’t make you bad or broken, they helped you survival your environments. I can help you notice these patterns in the present moment, not just within stories about the past.
Somatic Awareness
NARM is body-based. We pay attention to what happens in your nervous system within the present moment. When you think about connection, what happens in your body? Do you feel safe or do you tense up? These body signals tell us where the disconnection and pain may live.
Relational Presence
My job as your therapist is to be present with you in a way that helps you gradually revise your deep beliefs about connection and yourself. If you learned "people aren't safe," the therapeutic relationship becomes evidence to the contrary. This is slow, patient work.
Gradual Reconnection
As trust builds, you gradually reconnect to your body. You notice what you actually feel and need. You revise the belief that you're fundamentally flawed or unlovable. Connection shifts from terrifying to possible.
What Changes With NARM?
The disconnect that has defined your life begins to ease. Your body doesn't feel like a foreign place. You can sense what you need and actually ask for it. Relationships shift from something you have to survive to something you can enjoy. Your nervous system calms down. You're not constantly braced for rejection or danger. You start to believe, not just intellectually, but in your bones, that you are worthy of closeness.
People who work through NARM typically find:
- Shame and self-doubt decrease
- Ability to form and maintain close relationships improves
- Greater comfort in their own body and sensations
- Less hypervigilance and anxiety overall
- More sense of choice and agency in life
- Capacity for intimacy without fear of engulfment or abandonment
- Access to joy and aliveness that felt lost
What to Expect in Your First NARM Session?
Your first session focuses on understanding how you've learned to protect yourself throughout development. We're not diving into trauma work yet, we're building a foundation.
Here's the general flow:
1. History and Presentation (20-30 minutes): We talk about your struggles with connection, your family history, relational patterns, and what brought you in.
2. NARM Framework (10-15 minutes): I explain how NARM understands complex trauma and the role of disconnection in survival.
3. Present-Moment Awareness (10-15 minutes): Rather than focusing on past events, we begin noticing your patterns right now. "When you think about being close to someone, what happens inside?" This helps us identify where you disconnect.
4. Body Awareness Introduction (remaining time): We begin gently tuning into your body and nervous system. This is foundational for NARM work. Subsequent sessions typically include:
- Check-in on your experiences since last week
- Present-moment work: noticing your patterns as they arise
- Exploring what your disconnection is protecting you from
- Gradually building capacity for connection and “aliveness”
- Somatic work to help you feel safe in your body
Ready to Reconnect?
If you've been struggling with connection and trust for years, if other therapies have helped but something still feels stuck, NARM offers a direct path to the root. Not through reliving trauma, but through gradually rebuilding your nervous system's relationship with safety and closeness. The first step is simple: reach out and tell us what's been difficult for you. We'll listen, ask questions, and work together to build a plan that feels right for you.
Not ready yet? Your questions are welcome too. We can discuss whether NARM is the right fit for you.